Is the thought of going to see the family during the holidays creating major stress already? Dreading questions from Auntie about your single status? What about 21 questions about why you are not expecting yet? These questions and other boundary violations can make even thinking about attending holiday family events anxiety-provoking. Many people are hit with sadness over the fact that their family is far from what they feel they are supposed to be, rather than the reality of what they actually experience.
The reality is many family relationships are complicated, and that doesn’t disappear during the holidays. Thinking about what your personal boundaries are for behavior is important before you sit down for dinner.
You want to remember you can protect your space and honor your feelings surrounding what are off-limit topics for your family. You do not have to tolerate disrespect from a family member who refuses to respect you or your guests. Draw a golden circle around what your limits are and have an exit plan to leave once those boundaries are violated.
The holidays is a time of love, peace, and joy. If the people who happen to be biologically related to you cannot be peaceful, loving and joyful, maybe it’s time to start making your own traditions. Maybe it’s time to find a tribe you can surround yourself who brings the holiday spirit and not drama.
Vanessa Watson, LCSW is a therapist who practices in Montclair, NJ. She is a New Yorker turned suburbanite who lives with her Husband and Cat Isabella Gato and is the owner of Living In The Second Half L. L. C. therapy practice.
