How EMDR sessions can help you stop living in survival mode finally?

I decided to invest in my craft to better serve my clients and became trained in EMDR last year. I work with many adults in the forgotten generation; Generation X. 

Many have experienced childhood trauma growing up in the ’70s and 80’s grappling with the impact of the crack epidemic that destroyed many communities of color. Also, many Gen Xers had a parent who served in the military in the Korean War like my Dad, or Vietnam. Many of those men came back home with severe mental health issues untreated and used drugs and alcohol to kill the pain. 

This means many people who are in generation x have tons of unaddressed childhood trauma walking around now. This trauma is present in their lives today, impacting their relationships with others and the relationship they have with themselves. 

Remember therapy was not as popular back then the way it is more acceptable and accessible as it is now. That means many gen Xers needed care but did not receive it.

EMDR is one of the most effective forms of therapy to address trauma. 

How does EMDR help people with childhood trauma? EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, or side-to-side eye movements, to reprocess disturbing memories. Research from many sources found that the bilateral eye movements performed in EMDR may replicate the rapid eye movements (REM) during the dream stage of sleep. Research has long believed that during REM sleep our brains process the events of the day, including our emotions, beliefs and physical sensations. If the brain does not process these properly, memories may become lodged and can cause us problems further down the line. Sometimes the symptoms of trauma don't appear for months, years, and even decades afterward. 

In a series of EMDR therapy sessions, I use gentle bilateral tapping (often on the top of the client's hands or side of a client’s legs) in addition to the eye stimulation. Some therapists use tappers to stimulate the physical tapping method I use. During sessions, dual attention stimulation (bilateral eye movements and tapping) unlocks the unprocessed memory, releases the painful emotions and sensations, and allows your brain to let go of the beliefs that are holding you back in life

Childhood trauma anxiety, anger, and depression are just a few of the symptoms of having unprocessed, maladaptive memories stuck in your brain. After EMDR therapy sessions clients find the memories about the event processed seem faded. Some bits of information, deemed unimportant to your current life and survival, may be completely discarded. EMDR does not delete memories. EMDR simply changes the way painful memories are stored, so that when you think about them, they no longer trigger and hurt you the same way before you started EMDR sessions.

Please email me at therapyfor@livinginthesecondhalf.com or call me at 646-859-0125 to schedule a free 15 minute consulation

How a fearful avoidant attachment style may stop you from living your best life in 2020?

You may ask yourself what exactly is fearful-avoidant attachment style? There are a few different attachment styles. About 5% of adults have an attachment style of fearful avoidant attachment.  Adults who are fearful-avoidant attachment crave tons of reassurance, struggle with imposter syndrome and feelings they are never enough. They feel stuck and powerless to change their situation despite having all the resources to make changes. They also are known for pushing away people who may be their biggest cheerleaders. 

Many people who have an attachment style that is fearful-avoidant will often find themselves feeling stuck in life. They have the fear and none of the confidence of Kanye they are great and can do all things. 

When someone with a fearful attachment style identifies an area in their life to improve, they can identify the steps, and write a great plan of attack. They will spend the week and week researching and will find tons of resources. But they become paralyzed by fear of failure and never fully complete their goals. 

The fear of failure and negative self-talk is so strong they never can fully execute on the goals they set out to accomplish.

The lack of trust in their abilities is the inner dialogue that halts them despite all of the evidence to the outside world they are more than capable of greatness. 

What can you do to finally change this narrative in 2020?

Consider seeking the help of a therapist in your area to help you work through the root causes of your issues. The reality is all this is very hard. Fearful-avoidant attachment styles are very difficult to manage without the help of a trained therapist. The roots of fearful-avoidant attachment styles have a lot to do with how you where raised, childhood trauma, and environmental influences.  

Taking the brave steps to start therapy with a licensed therapist will get you started on the path to healing unresolved trauma that is holding you back from living your best life. Know that it will be very likely that it will take longer for a person with an attachment style that is fearful-avoidant to trust the therapist. No quick fixes and be skeptical of anyone who promises a quick fix!

You may initially experience feelings of being happy you finally are in therapy and feel you are building a healthy relationship with your therapist one session. In the next session, you may want to prematurely stop treatment. This is all normal.  The therapist will help explore these triggers and learn to identify distress that is linked to past trauma rather than current relationships.

Your therapist can also teach you important skills like mindfulness practices to help you learn to regulate emotions, focus your attention and observe your thoughts and feelings with the crippling judgment that also keeps you stuck. 

If you are located in NJ, I am accepting new clients for 2020.

Please email me at therapyfor@livinginginthesecondhalf.com for a free 15-minute consultation or call me at 646 859-0125